782.9 

Ak87t 


PAVILION  THEATRE 


GORGEOUS 

CHRISTMAS  PANTOMIME 


y wtL 


HAELEami  JACK  AID  JILL. 


Written  by  Messes.  J.  and  H.  Paneton, 

Authors  of  “ Blade  Crook  ” Sfc. 

Songs  Written  by  Mr.  Akhurst. 

The  whole  produced  under  the  Direction  oe  Me.  Isaac  Cohen. 

Gorgeous  Scenery  by  Messes.  Smithyes,  Cracknel,  and 
Fenvueleigh. 


PRICE  TWOPENCE. 

PRINTED  BY  WILSON  & WHITWORTH,  AT  THEIR  STEAM  WORKS,  STRATFORD. 
BRANCH  OFFICES  AND  WORKS  I HIGH  STREET,  ROMFORD  J AND  HIGH  STREET. 

BllFNTWOOD.  f 


CAN  BE  USED  WfTH  OR  WITHOUT  MILK 


FOR  INFANTSJNVALIDS, 


GIVES 


HEALTH!  STRENGTH!  COMFORT!  AND 
QUIET  NIGHTS ! , 

TO 

Mothers,  Nurses,  Infants,  and  Invalids, 

CAN  AE  USED  WITH  OR  WITHOUT  MILK . 


W.  Domett  Stone,  Esq.,  M.P.,  in  a letter  to  tho  Tim-*,  April  1,  187*5:  — 

“ It  cannot  be  too  well  known  that  4 corn  flour  ’ per  se  is  not  food,  but 
pure  starch,  as  wa.s  abundantly  proved  by  Dr.  Bartlett  before  the 
Adulteration  Committee  in  the  House  of  Commons  last  Autumn/’ 

“ Numerous  instances  of  children  reduced  to  skin  and  bone  from  being  fed 
on  one  or  other  of  the  4 corn  flours  ’ now  before  the  public  have  come 
under  my  notice.  It  may  be  of  some  use  to  your  readers  to  have  a 
* rough  and  retidy  * test  to  distinguish  thoso  farinaceous  foods  wliich 
are  innutritious.  Whenever  the  powder  is  beautifully  white,  and  of 
extreme  fineness,  the  article  should  be  rejected,  as  being  almost 
certainly  composed  of  starch  alone.  Wuwt,  however,  the  nutri- 
tion HAS  NOT  BEEN  SACRIFICED  TO  APPEARANCE,  AND  THEY  PRESENT 

their  NATURAL  BROWNISH  COLOUR,  some  of  these  foods 

MAY  CONTAIN  EVEN  MORE  NOURISHMENT  THAN  MEAT. 


loob  ij>  ot  eoLGbtt. 

The  Following  Parers  have  recently  Spoken  mo^t  Highly  of  this 

Food  : • 

The  Morning  Post,  The  Civil  Service  Gazette,  The  Johm  Bull,  The  City  Press,  The 
Sunday  Times,  The  Weekly  Dispatch,  Lloyd’s  Weekly  lewepaper,  and  Cassell’s 
Household  Guide. 


SOLD  BY  ALL  CHEMISTS,  GROCERS,  & o, 

In  -/G  and  1/-  Packets,  aud  -/6,  1/-,  2/6,  5/6,  and  10/5  Tins^ 


/ 


A GRAND  CONCERT, 


SUPPORTED  BY  THE  FOLLOWING 


Hartz  Mountains,  Germany,  Yorkshire,  Norwich,  African,  and  Natural 
Canaries,  from  5s.  6d.  each. 

German  Goldfinches,  Siskins,  Crossbills,  Larks,  Linnets,  Red  Poles,  Jays, 
Jackdaws,  Blackbirds,  and  Thrushes, 

Zebra  Paroquets,  Love  Birds,  beautiful  Bishops  and  Cardinals, 

White  Java  Sparrows, 

St.  Helena,  Zebra,  and  other  Wax  Bills,  black,  bronze,  and  other  Manakins, 
Silver  Bills,  Spice  Birds,  Combasues  and  Abalvats, 

Nonpareils,  Indigo  Blue  Birds, 

Fire  Finches,  Coral  Throat  Sparrows,  Java  Sparrows,  Diamond  Sparrows 
Zebra  Finches,  Chesnut  Finches, 

Flume  Head  and  otHer  Finolies, 

YOUNG  GREY  PARROTS, 

Magnificent  Amazonian  Parrots,  splendid  coloured  crimson  wings, 
Roselas,  Blue  Mountain,  and  other  Lorrys,  Cockatoos, 

Gold  and  Silver  Fish,  Foreign  and  English  Coloured  Mice, 

PET  MONKEYS,  &c. 

A large  assortment  of  Fancy  Aviary,  and  other  Cages, 

Bird  and  other  Traps,  Dog  Collars,  Slips,  Chains,  Bells,  &c.,  Fish  Globes, 
Aquarium  Cans,  &c, 

The  best  German  Paste  in  London,  French  and  English  Millit. 

Sweet  German  Rape,  Maw,  Flax,  Canary,  Rape  and  Hemp  Seeds,  &c. 


ADMISSIOIT  FREE, 


AT 


WHITECHAPEL  BIRD  SHOW, 

66,  HIGH  STREET,  WHITECHAPEL. 


UJjlOR  THE  BLOOD  IS  THE  LIFE.’ 


WORLD  FAMED 


BLOOD  MIXTURE. 


Trade  Mark,— ‘Blood  Mixture.” 

The  Great  Blood  Purifier  and  Restorer, 

For  cleansing  and  clearing  the  blood  from  all  impurities,  cannot  be  too  highly  recom- 
mended. For  Scrofula,  Scurvy,  Skin  Diseases,  and  Sores  of  all  kinds  it  is  a neVer-failing 
and  permanent  cure.  It 


Cures  Old  Sores 
Cures  Ulcerated  Sore  Legs. 
Cures  Scurvy  Sores. 

Cures  Cancerous  Ulcers. 
Cures  Glandular  Swellings 


Cures  Blackheads,  or  Pimples  on  the  Face. 
Cures  Blood  and  Skin  Disease. 

Cures  Ulcerated  Sores  on  the  Neck. 

Clears  the  Blood  from  all  Impure  Matter. 
From  whatever  cause  arising. 


As  this  mixture  is  pleasant  to  the  taste,  and  warranted  free  from  anything  injurious  to 
the  most  delicate  constitution  of  either  sex,  the  Proprietor  solicits  sufferers  to  give  it  a trial 
to  test  its  value.  THOUSANDS  OF  TESTIMONIALS  FROM  ALL  PARTS. 

Sold  in  Bottles  2s.  6d  each,  and  in  Cases,  containing  six  times  the  quantity, 
11s.  each— sufficient  to  effect  a permanent  cure  in  the  great  majority  of  long- 
standing cases, -BY  ALL  CHEMISTS,  AND  PATENT  MEDICINE  VENDORS 
throughout  the  United  Kingdom  and  the  World,  or  sent  to  any  address  on 
receipt  of  30  or  132  stamps,  by 

E.  J.  CLARKE,  CHEMIST,  APOTHECARIES’  HALL,  LINCOLN. 

WHOLESALE:  ALL  PATENT  MEDICINE  HOUSES. 


MOUNTED  & CLEANED 


Cresst,  Monograms, 
And  Initials  ^ 


ENGRAVED, 


LATEST  NOVELTY!! 


FOR  CONFECTIONERY 

9 

GO  TO 

J.  T.  SHEFFIELD’S, 

lit,  WHITMHAFIl,  a 

THE  LONDON  HOSPITAL. 

now  selling*  his  wetLknu 

SWEETS 

j.  nces  not  to  be  equalled  by  any  other  house  in  the  trade,  500 
different  sorts  to  select  from.  Pers6ns  about  starting  in  thisj  business, 
would  before  going  elsewhere,  do  well  to,  give  him  a cail  and  judge  for 
themselves.  Price  Lists  on  application. 

Christmas  Tree  Ornaments,  in  endless  variety. 


POCKET 


Sole  Manufacturer  and  Patentee— 


FREDERICK  PITT, 

3,  FISHMONGER  ALLEY,  EENCIIURCH  STEBE1', 

LONDON,  LG,  C. 


CHARACTERS, 


Prince  Trueloye  

Miss  Minnie  Gough. 

Sir  Cower  de  Custard 

Miss  M.  Alexander. 

Master  Applecheek 

Miss  Lizzie  Dent. 

Twentywords 

Miss  Lottie  Reynolds. 

Robin-a-Bobbin 

Mr.  J.  Maclean. 

Jack  (The  Baker's  Boy) 

Mr.  Arthur  Williams. 

Baron  Woolsack  {Lord  Chancellor)  Mr.  J.  Johnson. 

Rank  and  Pile  ( The  Army)  . 

Mr.  A.  Alexander. 

Pillalloo  (. Physician ) 

Mr.  T.  Barman. 

Oxtail  ( Butcher ) 

Mr.  J.  Alexander. 

Crackling  ( Cook)  

Mr.  G.  English. 

Cling-Clang  ( Demon  of  the  Belfry) 

Mr.  J.  Clifton. 

Princess  Diamond-Eyes  . , 

Miss  Rose  Alexander. 

• 

Little  Bo-peep  

Miss  Maria  Alexander. 

Pairy  Goodheart  

Miss  L.  Herbert. 

Clamour 

Mrs.  Murray. 

Jill  ( Jack's  Jill)  

Mr.  Harry  Lynn. 

Clown  

Mr.  John  Alexander. 

Pantaloon 

Mr.  Tom  Barman. 

Harlequin 

Mr.  J.  Alexander. 

Policeman  X 

Mr.  Brown. 

Principal  Danseuse  & Columbine 

Miss  Rose  Alexander. 

SCENE  1. 

THE  GOBLIN  BELFRY. 

Demons  discovered . 

Chorus. 

Ding-dong,  ding-dong’s  our  old  bell  song, 

Other  ditties  scorning ; 

Ding-dong,  their  voices  strong, 

Make  hideous  night  and  morning. 

j Enter  Cling  ‘Clang . 

Cling -Clang — Well  done,  the  spirit  of  the  storm  methinks 
Joins  in  your  clamour  loud,  and  holds  high  jinks. 

The  world  below  alarmed  at  this  wild  pealing, 

Will  vow  that  light enings  set  the  old  Tower  reeling ; 

Or  p’raps,  as  the  Church  say,  vestry  wrangling 
On  parish  matters^  set  the  bells  a jangling, 

Speak  the  cause ! 

Triplebob — Wiseacre,  the  king  is  dead, 

And  Anarchy  with  his  exit  lifts  high  head  ; 

A communistic  tumult  charged  with  vice, 

Rebellion  paramount,  so  we  rejoice. 

Cling. — Behave,  or  this  stout  rope  shall  make  a track, 
Fellows,  along  each  contumacious  back ; 

This  piece  of  my  rope,  though  its  not  a new  rope, 

Is  not  so  frail  quite  as  the  peace  of  Europe. 

Enter  Twenty  words. 

Twenty. — Telegram,  Cling-Clang,  Goblin  Tower,  fourth  floor, 
From  Goodheart  Fairy,  sent  out  seven  four, 

Wish  to  see  you  friendly,  be  not  afraid, 

Wire  reply  quick,  Twenty  words, — answer  paid. 

Cling. — Say  come  there,  now  stop  your  chaffing. 

Twenty. — Good,  brevety’s  the  soul  of  telegraphing. 

Song. 

Our  modern  comic  lays, 

As  we  all  know  too  well ; 

In  glowing  language  praise 
The  various  forms  of  swell. 

From  toffs  who  at  the  cost 
Of  two-pounds-five  are  dressed, 

To  lardy-dardy  exquisite, 

Who  languish  in  the  west. 

But  there’s  a kind  of  swell 
Admired  by  poor  and  rich. 

Who’s  common  to  Mile  End,  Pall  Mall, 
Belgravia,  and  Shoreditch ; 

And  though  in  Stanza’s  terse, 

His  praise  we  now  remark ; 

No  spark  so  well  deserves  a verse. 

As  the  electric  spark. 

Cling. — Why  comes  she  here,  to  work  me  good  or  harm  ? 

To  meet  the  worst,  I’ll  make  with  potent  charm 
Myself  impervious  to  ill  intent, 

I’ll  patent  medicine  at  once  invent, 

I’ll  need  a spell  to  work, — you’ll  aid. 


S AYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Rheumatism. 
In  Bottles,  7 Jd.,  Is.  ljd.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists, 


6 


Goblins — Aye. 

Cling. — Good, 

Unlettered  crew,  I’d  have  a bet  they  would ; 

At  once  to  work  then,  little  ones  begin, 

Pluck  me  a hair  from  every  Goblin’s  chin. 

Business  with  Demons. 

’Twas  far  from  plucky  imps  that  moan 
Each  grown- Goblin,  gave  a Goblin-groan  ; 

Now  who’s  courageous  ? quick,  a Volunteer, 

I want  an  eye  tooth  ! 

Triplebob. — Saved  ! the  Fairy’s  here. 

Enter  Fairy  Goodheart. 

Good. — I greet  you  Goblin  Bellman. 

Cling. — Speak  your  mission, 

Make  known  your  wants. 

Good. — I will  with  your  permission. 

With  fierce  sedition  all  the  land  is  rife, 

Endangering  the  late  King’s  daughter’s  life; 

None  has  she  harmed,  but  there  are  times,  alas ! 

When  right  is  wrong,  and  wrong  for  right  may  pass. 

I ask  you  then,  the  voice  of  every  bell, 

Attune  to  softness,  every  tongue  let  tell : 

Of  love  and  concord,  whereon  strife  will  cease, 

And  conflict  dire  give  place  to  calm  and  peace. 

Cling. — You’re  joking,  Goblins  join  in  peaceful  chime, 

In  deepest  vault  they  hide  at  such  a time ; 

Give  us  death  knell,  fire  bell,  mischief  devilry, 

We  are  evil  Goblins  sorrowing  over  revelry. 

Enter  Clamour. 

Clam. — Well  spoken,  sweet  Goodheart,  your  time,  you  waste,. 
The  Fairy  clamour  is  more  to  Goblin  taste ; 

Great  Cling-Clang,  Topsy-turvy dom  ’tis  said 
Is  now  much  like  a body,  minus  head. 

It  need’s  a ruler  ! 

Cling , — Don’t  ask  me,  I could’nt 

Form  you  a government,  in  fact,  I would’ nt. 

Clam. — Deride  my  power,  can  you  not  understand 
That  Clamour  reigns  supreme  in  every  land  ? 

Good.  — This  may  be  true,  but  for  Topsy-turvydom, 

Say  what  newer  evil  would  you  now  have  come  ? 

Clam. — A phantom  ruler,  no  Brown,  Jones,  or  Smith, 

But  visionary  potentate,  a crowned  myth, 

Echo  of  these  rafters’  discordant  knoll, 

Caught  and  embodied  in  that  broken  bell. 

Good.- — Shall  we  Wiseacre’s  child  dethrone  ? . ■ • 

Clam.—  Why  ask  P 

Good. — To  gaurd  her  cause  henceforth  shall  be  my  task, 

(To  Twenty  words)  Summon  our  Court. 

Twenty. — On  lightnings  streak  I’ll  skate. 

Clam. — Goblins  to  work,  great  big  Bell  Ben  create. 

Chorus. 

Hurrah  for  big  Bell  Ben, 

Robin- a-Bobbin, shout  ye  then; 


S AYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Gout. 

In  Bottles,  7Jd.,  Is.  l^d.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists. 


7 


Who’ll  eat  more  meat  then  ten  score  men, 
Hurrah  for  big  Bell  Ben. 

Appearance  of  big  Bell  Ben . Procession  all  exeunt . 

SCENE  2. 

THE  FAIRY  DELL. 


Enter  Goodheart . 

Good. — My  sister  fays  have  early  risen  and  have  gone, 
Or  have  they  still  their  dew-drop  night-caps  on  ? 


Song. 

Blithely  Phoebus,  while  his  studs  neigh, 

Mounts  the  golden  car  by  Aurora  driven ; 

And  the  flowers,  in  brilliant  array, 

Lift  their  heads  in  welcome  to  the  god  of  day. 

1 Upspringing  from  the  earth,  the  wild  lark 
Now  warbles  his  carol  to  heaven: 

Fairies,  haste ! hither  come  ! obey, 

Or  never  be  forgiven ! 

From  your  rose-leaf  couches  spring, 

In  the  valley,  and  now  rally 
Round  your  mistress,  in  a ring, 

Lovely  Corps  de  Ballet ! 

Fairies  enter. 

'Good. — My  sisters  ! I commend  your  early  rising : 

Where  wandered  you  P what  worldly  scheme  devising  ? 
Dew-drop— I the  daybreak  watched  from  off  the  hill 
Where  stands  the  well  of  Nursery  Jack  and  Jill. 

Brighway — And  I the  slumbers  of  your  pet,  Bo-peep, 

Have  watched,  lest  wicked  men  purloin  her  sheep. 

Good. — ’Tis  well ! But  now  Prince  Truelove  I expect, 

Who  shall  the  Princess  Diamond-eyes  protect. 

Enter  Prince  Truelove. 

True. — How  sweet ! O’er  Switzerland  I’ve  wander’d  far — 
Done  famed  Killarnev’s  shores  on  jaunting  car; 

I’ve  seen  the  Land’s  End  (where  also  the  waves  end), 

And  swallowed  tea  and  shrimps  at  lovely  Gravesend, 

And  gone  by  Cook’ s excursion  round  to  Bow  : 

Not  in  it,  nor  have  I,  despite  their  praises, 

In  all  my  tours,  such  fays  seen  or  such  faces. 

Omnes — Welcome,  Prince  ! 

True. — A princely  welcome,  really  ! 

Worthy  of  Iudia,  or  nearly  ! 

Good. — Well,  that’s  all  right ! You — although  such  a sight ! — 
I feel  convinced  should  be  a gallant  knight. 

I claim  your  service  for  a maid  distressed 
By  tyrant  factions,  ’prison’d,  and  oppressed. 

True. — Heart,  the  prize,  I’ll  win  her. 

Good. — Doubtful,  oh  ! 

She  knows  not  love. 

True. — She’s  never  seen  me. 


Good. — 

But  she’s  a stone. 


No; 


True. — So  am  I to  all  such  folly ; 


SAYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Neuralgia. 
In  Bottles,  7 Jd.,  Is.  1 Jd4,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists. 


8 


I think  to  be  loved,  though,  is  awful  jolly ! 

So  if  sweet 

Good. — Diamond-eyes. 

True. — How  very  pretty  t 

Good. — She’s  now  a prisoner  held  in  her  own  city. 

Fly  to  her  aid : let  knightly  prowess  prove 
Brave  deeds  will  fire  the  coldest  heart  to  love. 

GRAND  BALLET. 

SCENE  3. 

A CHAMBER  IN  THE  PALACE. 

Enter  Crackling , Oxtail,  and  Pillallo . 

Till. — It’s  past  belief  ! I’ll  state,  with  your  permission, 

How  much  you  rank  below  the  court  physician. 

Crack. — But,  Pillallo,  Robin-a-bobbin  wills 

That  joints  henceforth  precede  your  draughts  and  pills. 

Ox. — If  I,  the  butcher,  should  refuse  to  kill, 

What  comes  of  both  your  trades  ? 

Till. — Trades ! 

Crack.—  Hold ! be  still : 

I’ll  call  the  military.  Ho,  there ! army. 

Enter  Tank  and  File. 

Crack — Army  reform,  the  pride  of  the  inventor : 

But  one  brigade  ; one  troop  ; one  army  centre. 

Observe  (whispers  J Rank  and  File ) Invasion  ! 

Tank  and  File  chases  them  off. 

Tank — Recover  arms  I recover  legs ! dismiss  repose ! 

Robin-a-bobbin’s  ministry,  I suppose  ? 

Now,  if  the  force The  Princess  in  alarm  ? 

Silence  in  the  ranks  ! Form  ones  ! Present  arms ! (Exeunt 
Enter  Princess  Diamond-eyes. 

Princess — So,  so ! these  brutes  of  men  think  to  subdue  me,. 

And  abdication  constantly  bring  to  me. 

Ill  luck  sticks  to  me,  like  old  maids  to  tabbies, 

Or  Mrs.  Prodgers  to  her  friends  the  cabbies. 

How  moped  I am  ! No  maids  in  this  dull  prison  ! 

No  one  to  talk  to,  and,  worse,  no  one  to  listen ! 

I know  not  who’s  married  or  who’s  born, 

What  bonnets  or  what  color’d  hair  is  worn. 

If  I had  Jill  to  romp  with ; but  I fear  to. 

Jack  ( without ) — Hot  rolls  ! 

Princess — Her  young  man,  the  baker,  coming  here,  too  ! 

Enter  Jack. 

Jack — I know  you  ! You’re  the  Princess,  I can  see ! 

I thought  so  by  your  laughing.  (Aside)-She  seems  struck  with  me  l 
Princess — You’re  Jill’s  Jack. 

Jack—  He!  he!  Yes. 

Princess — How  very  silly  ! 

Jack — I’m  her  flowery  Jack,  and  she’s  my  Jilly. 

Yrou’ve  heard  the  newrs,  of  course  ? You’re  not  a dunce — • 

We  were  asked  in  church  last  Sunday  both  at  once. 

Her  cottage  door’s  wide  open  to  receive  you, 


SAYrEB;§.  Miraculotje  Embrocation  for  Sprains. 

In  Bottles,  7£d.,  Is,  ljd.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists. 


9 


And  if  you’ll  stay  with,  her,  she’ll  never  leave  you  ; 

And  though  I’m  hut  a half-baked  ignoramus, 

I’ll  make  at  breakfast  time  your  roll-call  famous. 

Love  levels  all  mates — eifipress  with  the  clown — 

And  lays  the  baker’s  peel  beside  the  crown. 

Princess — Go  to  your  Jill,  looby  ! 

Jack — Oh,  don  t flout  me  ! 

Have  you  observed  a nobleness  about  me  ? 

Know  of  my  birth  there  is  a mysterie  : 

I’ve  heard  it  said,  in  short,  I’m  not  me, 

But  some-one  else.  My  birth  is  noble. 

. Princess . — Silence  ! 

Jack — Be  my  bride, 

Unstain’d  my  crest,  upon  my  father’s  side. 

Princess. — Return  to  Jill ; say  I approve  her  plans. 

Jack. — -Wed  her,  1 wont — I forbid  the  banns ! 

The  marriage  stop. 

Princess. — You  take  too  much  licence ; 

Don’t,  sir,  tiffy  get,  but  quickly  fly,  since 
Y ou  scarce  are  sane  to  thus  absurdly  act ; 

Bid  Jill  expect  me,  when  my  trunk  is  pack’d.  (Exit. 

Jack. — You  shall  suffer  for  this,  though  I the  ring  have  bought ; 

I’ll  not  wed  Jill,  she’s  quite  out  oft  court : 

Why  upraise  that  veil  to  so  upset  my  mind, 

That  curtain  still  should  be  to  me  a blind  ; 

Her  very  name,  like  sugar,  my  mouth  doth  fib, 

Its  not  an  outlandish  ugly  one  like  Jill ; 

The  street  boys  can’t  think  of  that,  but  loudly  shout — 

“ Give  my  love  to  Sarah,  when  I walk  her  out.”  (Exit. 

Enter  Crackling  and  Oxtail , dragging  on  Princess. 

Princess. — Jack  is  gone ! Is  there  no  gallant  youth  who  fly  will 
To  injured  woman’s  succour. 

Enter  Prince  Truelove. 

True. — Yes,  I will. 

Princess. — Ah  ! charming  stranger,  you’ve  my  prospect  brighten’d. 
Crackling , Oxtail , §c. — We’re  the  ministry,  are  you  frighten’d  ? 
Truelove. — Ministers,  now-a-days,  are  very  harmless, 

And  treat  all  matters  with  such  stolid  calmness ; 

So  at  doing  nothing  each  a talent  shews 
The  nation’s  prosperous  and  needs  repose.  My  good  men,  go, 
Crack — Robbin-a-bobbin  shall  of  this  know.  (All  Exeunt. 

True. — I’m  sent, Princess,  to  be  your  firm  protector, 

By  fairy  Goodheart. 

Princess. — Yes,  I recollect  her. 

True. — You’ll  not  reject  me. 

Princess. — Why  should  I scorn  you, 

But  to  friendship  keep — I first  must  warn  you ; 

To  vows  of  love  I’m  deaf,  however  fond : 

My  heart’s  not  at  home — I can’t  respond.  . 

True. — My  case  is  worse,  for  I’ve  no  heart  at  all. 

Princess. — I’m  glad  of  that,  for  I then  may  raise  my  fall, 

We’ll  be  such  friends. 

True. — I’m  settled. 

Princess. — That  start  P 

SAYEB’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Bruises. 

In  Bottles,  7|d.,  Is.  l|d.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists. 


10 


True. — Its  just  arrived. 

Princess. — The  toothache  P 
True. — No — my  heart ! 

Princess. — What  fun  ! — more  conquests* 

True. — Maiden,  hear  my  vow, 

My  breast  untenanted  has  been  till  now  ; 

On  this  hand  I swear— (kisses  it). 

Princess. — The  other  try ; 

That’s  just  been  sworn  on  by  the  baker's  boy. 

True. — There  seems  some  magic  in  that  face  of  thine. 

Princess. — As  birds  are  limed  we  catch  each  masculine. 

Enter  Crackling,  Oxtail , Pi  Hallo,  and  Rank  and  File 
Concerted  Finale. 

True. — Her  deameanour’s  enchanting, 

She’s  a charming  Princess. 

Ah,  she’s  no  less — she’s  no  less. 

Rough  breasts  she  sets  panting, 

With  fond  ardour’s  success  ; 

All— Ah,  we  confess — we  confess. 

Princess. — I accept  your  bold  admiration 
Freely ; but  cannot  affection  return. 

True. — To  sadness — perhaps  desperation 

I shall  be  driven,  if  my  vows  you  spurn. 

Chorus. 

Her  demeanours  enchanting, 

She’s  a charming  Princess,  &c.  (All  Dance  ope* 
SCENE  4. 

VILLAGE  SCHOOL-HOUSE  AND 
FAMOUS  WELL  OF  JACK  AND  JILL. 

Scholars  enter  and  go  to  School. 

Applecheek,  the  little  Village  Pedagogue , enters . 

Song. 

I’m  a merry  little  wight,  who  school  keep  day  and  night, 

On  village  green  so  far  away  from  town ; 

I words  and  letters  teach,  passing  verbs  and  parts  of  speech,. 

To  the  clever  cute — stupid  dunce  and  clown. 

I sigh  and  think  it  lone,  this  quiet  country  home ; 

But  in  mercy  to  my  elders  thus  I hide. 

If  my  talents  you  can  see,  it  would  be  with  them  U P ; 

Their  books  they’d  burn  and  fly  to  suicide. 

I’ve  a little  sweetheart  got — what  little  boy  has  not  ? 

Who  of  Paul  and  Virginia  ever  read. 

Her  name,  I’ve  not  confessed — its  B.O.,  spell  the  rest; 

And  she’s  famous  for  her  little  sleepy  head ; 

But  worse — she  is  a dunce,  says  two  and  two  make  once  ; 

Then,  I box  the  ears  of  that  sad  little  girl, 

But  ah ! when  no  one’s  by,  I bid  her  wipe  her  eye 
And  softly  kiss  the  place  to  make  it  well. 

« Dance. 

Enter  Bopeep  and  her  sheep. 

You’re  late  again,  Miss,  my  strict  rule:  defying, 

SAYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Lumbago. 

In  Bottles,  7|d.,  Is.  l^d.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists, 


11 


But  I’ll  excuse  you — hush ! leave  off  crying. 

Bopeep . — I was  so  tired,  that  sheep*  track  is  steepish. 

Apple. — You  had  schnieder — no  wonder  you  look  sheepish. 

Business  with  sheep  and  puts  them  in  the  fold. 

They  Exeunt.  Children  knock  at  Jill's  door. 

Enter  Jill. 

Jill. — I saw  you  there  — a pretty  state  cf  things, 

To  he  got  out  by  these  sham  knocks  and  rings. 

Two  things  prevent,  or  on  the  sward  I’d  stretch  ’em ; 

First,  I’m  so  mild ; second,  I can’t  catch  ’em. 

I never  lose  my  temper — no  one  should  ; 

Jacks  says,  “ It  would  he  a blessing  if  I could.” 

Ha  ! here  he  is,  he’ll  walk  in,  never  fear, 

And  walk  in  to  the  bread  and  cheese  and  beer. 

Can’t  he  just  peck,  dear  John,  when  I’m  his  bride : 

I’ll  within— my  sighs  can’t  he  outside. 

Jack  enters  with  basket. 

Jack — I’ve  run  so  fast,  my  heart  heats  quite  a huhhuh, 

Its  such  away  from  town  is  to  this  subbub ; 

But  haste  a courting  shows  the  well-bred  lover, 

Who’s  much  to  do  and  wants  to  get  it  over. 

That  Princess  — oh  ! the  thoughts  distressing  ; 

Be  still,  my  heart,  and  don’t  be  change  confessing. 

Knocks  at  Jill's  door— falls. 

Enter  Jill. 

Jill. — A pretty  fright  to  give. 

Jack. — I thought  I’d  shock  her. 

Jill. — Such  conduct,  sir,  is  not  up  to  the  knocker, 

Jack. — I found  the  knocker  down  on  me. 

Jill. — Then  drop  it. 

Jack. — When  we  are  wed  I’ll  for  a latch-key  swop  it. 

Jill. — I’ve  been  by  such  larks  annoy’d  all  day. 

Jack. — Then,  call  the  P’lice — where’s  the  Police,  I say? 

Jill. — A Christy  at  that  riddle  would  be  daunted  : 

Where’s  the  Perlice  ? — Of  course,  where  they  are  not  wanted. 

In  some  snug  kitchen  where  law  defied  is, 

Searching  some  poor  traveller’s  bona  fides. 

If  our  Princess 

Jack. — She’s  coming  here. 

Jill. — Good  Hevens ! 

And  here  am  I at  sixes  and  sevens. 

Jack  ! bear  a hand— its  cleaning  day,  ’twon’t  hurt  ye. 

Jack,  —I  see  its  cleaning  day,  things  are  so  dirty. 

Duet. 

Business  and  Exit. 


Enter  Twenty  words. 

Twenty. — To  all  it  may  concern,  that  distant  drum 
Proclaim  the  Ruler  of  Topsyturvydom ; 

Robin*  a-bobbin,  Ben — the  crowd’s  selection, 
Engaged  in  tour  of  general  inspection. 

Brocession  enter. — Robin-a-bobbin  attended  by  his  Court. 
Twenty. — Give  ’em  a speech. 

Eobin. — ’Bout  what  ? 


SAYEK/S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Toothache. 

In  Bottles,  7^d.,  Is.  l£d.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists* 


12 


Wool. — I wont  distress  you ! 

Bay  something — the  governor  will  address  you. 

Robin. — Subjects  !- — Electors  ! — that  is,  you’ll  agree 
This  is  a happy  day  for  you  and  me, 

Especially  me  that’s  unused  to  spouting, 

Except  at  my  pawnbroker’s  if  you’re  doubting, 

You  only  have  to  listen  to  my  reasoning. 

But  to  proceed.  (To  Woolsack.)  How  was  that  for  seasoning  £ 
We  promise  everything  ; and  you’ll  allow 
That  I’m  a good  performer — won’t  you  now  P 
For  those  who  are  without  a coin  and  starving, 

We’ll  take  the  income  tax  off — who’s  that  laughing  f 
We’ll  have  no  labour  laws  to  spite  our  neighbour — 

In  short,  its  our  intent  to  abolish  labour. 

We  mean  to  legalize  dog  and  man  fights  too, 

And  give  you  women’s  rights,  babies’  rights  too. 

Down  with  the  cat ! but  that  no  doubt  you  boys 
Already  do,  when  you  eat  saveloys. 

Down  with  the  standing  army ! here  we  swear 
Each  soldier  for  a year  shall  his  coat  wear. 

Down  with  the  navy ! I would  add,  but  no 
That’s  going  down  as  fast  as  it  can  go. 

With  all  things  downy  down,  and  don’t  forget 
To  down  with  all  the  cooper  you  can  get. 

Down  with  adulteration’s  schemes  and  shoddy ! 

Down  with  everything  and  everybody ! (Drinks.) 

Pale  ale  t’is  well — I shook  e’m  up  I think — 

And  now  I’ll  take  something  to  eat  and  drink. 

To  whom  belong  those  sheep  ? 

Applecheeks. — They  are  my  sister’s,  Sir,  Bopeep. 

Robin. — Cook  ’em  ! Cook  ’em  ! ! 

Apple. — They’re  not  your’s  to  cook. 

Wool. — Who  are  you  ? 

Apple. — A schoolmaster.  There’s  my  school. 

Wool. — You  little — 

Apple.- — Big  enough  to  teach  a fool. 

Robin. — Ten  legs  of  mutton  boil’d  with  caper  sauce. 

Six  forequarters  of  a cow  for  a second  course. 

Cook  those  sheep. 

Wool. — Hush ! since  we’ve  ejected 

Old  rulers,  great  deeds  are  of  us  expected, 

And  education  now  in  every  way 

Has  become  indeed  the  question  of  the  day. 

Parents  haul’d  op  and  fin’d,  have  careful  grown. 

And  boys  who  truant  play,  ’tis  true  arn’t  known. 

Robin. — My  birth’s  a myst’ry,  don’t  call  me  fool, 

I’ve  never  seen  a child  turn  out  of  school. 

Wool. — First  class  in  alphabet. 

Twenty. — Don’t  at  them  sneer, 

They’ll  face  examination  more  severe. 

Robin. — Then  it’s  little  use  our  staying  here. 

Exit,  jfhom  Court. 

GRAND  EVOLUTION  OF  CHILDREN. 

S AYER’S  Mjractjloti s Embrocation  tor  Loss  of  Strength 
l a Bottles,  7|d.,  Is.  lfd.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists. 


13 


SCENE. 

A CHAMBER  IN  THE  PALACE. 

Enter  Sir  Cower  de  Custai'd . 

Sir  Cower. — Oh ! what  a hill,  a steeper  I ne’er  met  one. 

A run  upon  a bank  does  so  upset  one. 

All’s  safe  ! I’ve  distanc’d  my  pursuer, 

Whether  friend  or  foe,  of  that  I am  not  sure. 

I’m  such  a craven,  by  the  least  thing  fluster’d, 

My  name  implies  it — I’m  Coward  de  Custard. 

Enter  Rank  and  File. 

Rank. — One,  two,  three,  four,  five. 

Sir  Cower . — A slight  pulsation ! I’m  still  alive  ! 

It  was  an  apparition  as  I thought, 

For  though  he’s  gone  off,  I heard  no  report. 

Where  can  Prince  Truelove,  my  master  be  ? 

This  was  the  rendezvous.  Please  let  me  be. 

Enter  Frince  Truelove . 

True. — A soldier,  and  afraid  ! what’s  this,  sir,  pray  ? 

Sir  Cower — That  party’s  acting  in  the  strangest  way, 

He’s  learnt  my  delicate  organization, 

And  takes  advantage  of  the  situation.  (Rank  and  File  Exits, 
Frince. — Robin-a  -bobbin,  traitor  vile,  no  less, 

Has  torn  from  me  my  love,  the  fair  Princess, 

She’s  fast  prisoner  kept,  in  castle  keep, 

Where  window’s  high  and  wall  is  steep, 

But  not  too  high  for  love  to  climb  secure, 

And  such  a fate  she  shall  not  long  endure. 

I want  a youth,  as  Scotch  say,  wee. 

Sir  Cower. — That  remark  is  singular,  if  wee,  means  me. 

True. — Her  turret  window’s  small,  but  you’ll  squeeze  through  it, 

Now  a rope  ladder  seek  quickly,  do  it. 

Sir  Cower. — I climb  a wall ! you  quite  unnerve  me. 

True. — You  are  my  trusty  knight,  and  sworn  to  serve  me. 

Sir  Cower. — If  I should  stick  of  all  below  the  scoff. 

True. — The  guard  below  would  doubtless  pick  you  off. 

Enter  Rank  and  File. 

In  great  enterprises  the  plan  I think 

Is  first,  the  guard  dispose  of.  Fetch  me  some  drink. 

Exit  Sir  Cower* 

With  no  one  to  relieve  you,  your  duty’s  hard. 

Rank. — Requested  not  to  speak  to  the  man  on  guard. 

Re-enter  Sir  Cower  with  Wine. 

True. — Comrade,  drink. 

Rank. — Hem,  no,  silence  in  the  ranks. 

True. — Just  one  glass. 

Rank — One  to  three,  relieve  guard,  thanks. 

Enter  Oxtail,  Crackling,  Fillalloo,  and  Mob. 

Song  and  Chorus. 

Let  the  wise  ones  say  that  drinking 
Leads  to  sorry  witless  state , 

S AYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Unbroken  Chil- 
blains. 

In  Bottles,  7Jd.,  Is.  1 id.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists, 


14 


Let  them  tell  us  brains  will  soften, 

Boldly  still  will  brave  our  fate. 

He  who  lives  without  enjoyment, 

Pleasure  clothing  with  a pall, 

Must  he  more  than  half  demented, 

Such  a one  ne’er  live  at  all. 

Such  a one  ne’er  live  at  all. 

Such  a one  ne’er  live  at  all. 

Fill,  fill  high  the  sparkling  cup, 

Brave  soldier  ever  loves  good  wine, 

Gaily  then  the  nectar  sup, 

And  drinking  swear  it  is  divine. 

Sir  Cower,  Prince,  and  Rank  and  File  Dance  off4 

Crackling. — The  Army  is  drunk,  a pretty  state  of  things, 

You  see  the  result  that  had  example  brings ; 

Robbin-a-bobbin  is  to  blame  for  this  ; 

Through  his  misconduct  its  all  amiss. 

Wool. — Listen  to  me : of  what  do  you  complain  P 
What  reason  do  you  raise  ’gainst  Robin’s  reign  ? 

Crack. — He  eats. 

Ox. — And  drinks. 

Fill  — No,  physic  takes. 

Crack. — The  duties  of  the  state  he  quite  forsakes. 

Ox. — Bid  him  resign. 

Wool. — Do  ; and  by  my  gown, 

Whoever  bids,  will  quickly  get  knock’d  down. 

He  comes. 

Enter  Robbin-a-bobbin  with  Jack. 

t 

Robin. — Vulgar,  who  cares,  let  ’em  talk, 

I can  get  more  up  with  my  knife  than  fork. 

Those  sheep,  who  brings  them  to  morrow  e’er  I wake 
Shall  Princess  wed. 

Jack. — She’ll  be  sorry  for  this,  governor. 

Robin. — Must  have  ’em. 

Jack — Governor. 

Robin. — Those  sheep. 

Jack — Bopeep’s  sheep  I’ll  steal. 

Robin. — Good,  let  it  be  seen  to, 

Name  your  reward. 

Jack. — I mean  to. 

I the  Princess  want : I’m  silly  but  not  shy, 

I’m  not  afraid : that  you’ll  find  old  boy. 

Robin. — She’s  yours. 

Jack. — Your  hand  on  it  old  pal ! 

Now  must  Jill  avaunt ; I vant  another  gal. 

Who  could  have  thought  such  luck  could  e’er  occur, 

The  sheep  for  him  and  then  Sheep's  eyes  for  her. 

Crack  (at  Robin.). — Gourmond. 

Fill. — Glutton. 

Robin. — What’s  this  effrontery, 

Keep  vituperation  for  the  country. 

Jack — Here’s  a row. 

Crack. — You  speak  ! . 

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You! 


Ox. — You ! 

Crack. — Bid  him  resign. 

Robin . — What’s  this  ? 

Wool. — They’re  tired  of  you.  Desire  you’ll  sign 

Your  abdication.  To  their  murmurs  hark  ! 

Robin. — I can’t  write,  but  I’ll  make  my  mark.  (Beats  Them 

Jack. — If  they  turn  him  out,  what’s  to  become  of  me  ? 

Robin. — How’s  that  for  seasoning  ? read  the  riot  act. 

Wool. — Mighty  Governor,  these  signatures  exact 
Your  resignation  ; they  demand  a change. 

Robin.' — Who  does  ? — is  it  you,  or  you, — or  you  ? that  is  strange. 


Song. 

I wish  that  I could  look  severe, 

And  see  my  subjects  quake ; 

But  when  I frown  they  think  I’m  queer, 

And  have  the  stomach  ache. 

Before  the  glass  I often  try, 

With  dignity  to  pose ; 

But  the  effect  is  ruined  by 
This  pimple  on  my  nose. 

Jack. — Robin,  it  is  a carbuncle, 

That  is  very  clear, 

Inherits  p’raps  from  your  uncle, 

Or  may  be  caused  by  beer. 

A'little  cooling  physic,  I 
Would  recommend  to  you, 

At  nil  events,  try  to  get  rid  my  boy 
Of  that  carbuncle  do. 

All  Dance  off  but  Jack. 

Jack. — They’ll  all  suffer  for  this,  of  nursery  Jacks 

I’m  the  chief,  to  me  the  rest  are  quacks ; 

Me  excel,  they  can’t*!  but  in  the  dumps 
All  own  this  Jack  is  Jack  of  trumps. 


Enter  Jill. 

Jill—  At  last  I’ve  found  you,  sir  ! wrhat  brings  you  here  ? 
Jack. — Don’t  look  crusty,  called  with  bread,  my  dear ; 

Go  in  your  bonnet,  you’ll  suffer  for  this. 

Jill. — Call  yourself  a lover  ? 

Remove  your  duff,  and  yourself,  you  duffer ! 

I’ll  turn  you  up,  though  I with  grief  may  sob. 

Jack. — What ! turn  up  Jack  ? then  take  one  for  his  nob. 


Bus — Chase.—  Enter  Prince  and  Princess. 
Princess. — How  shall  I thank  you  ? 

True. — Give  me  your  hand. 

Princess. — What  fun ! how  slew  you  are  to  understand  ; 
Hands  with  hearts  go,  and  hearts  I’ve  none,  ’ tis  plain, 
Or  ’tis  from  home  to-day  ; pray  call  again. 

True. — Nay,  say  ’tis  sleeping,  like  a bud  held  close, 

Till  love  unseals  it,  as  love  the  rose  ; 

Dared  I but  clasp  thee  in  my  arms  fast  pressed, 

I would  catch  the  flame  that  now  consumes  my  breast. 
Princess. — Yain  man  ! 


True. — 


In  love  past  hope,  I swear  I am  ! 


SAYEK/S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Rheumatism. 
In  Bottles,  7|d.,  Is.  1 Jd.  nd  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists. 


16 


T love  you  more  than  boys  love  bread  and  jam  ; 

Than  irirls  love  flattery — politicians  place — 

More  than  Kenealy  loves  the  Tichbourne  case; 

Than  Irishmen  a row  ; than  ducks  love  rain  ; 

More  than  Don  Carlos  loves  to  torture  Spain. 

Princess. — How’ ere  you  love  me,  pray  stop  at  that ; 

Burst  out  I shall  at  thought  of  tittlebat. 

True. — Deride  me,  cold  one — I will  not  hope  resign  ; 

Love  conquers  ever,  you  will  yet  be  mine. 

Jill.—  Pity  the  sorrows  of  a poor  old  maid, 

Whose  trembling  pattens  brings  her  to  your  door  ; 

Etcetera,  etcetera,  etcetera,  and  aforesaid, 

Because  I don’  t happen  to  know  any  more. 

True. — Obdurate  fair  ! 

Jack. — Ha!  don’t  fear,  I will,  I can 

Perfect  you,  Princess. 

Princess. — Noble,  good  young  man. 

True. — Flirting  before  my  face,  with  rage  I’m  burning, 

I will,  I’ll  try  my  hand  at  table  turning. 

[To  Jill) — Maiden,  listen  to  my  tale  of  love  confessed ; 

Your  heart  is  granite. 

Jack. — Oh  gran  it — my  request. 

Jill. — Better  dressed  than  Jack,  how  smart  his  clothes  is ; 

Are  you  dressed  by  Hyam  ? 

True. — I am. 

Jill. — Oh,  Moses  ! 

Princess. — Have  done,  take  this  boy  away— fickle. 

True. — Such  sentiments  from  you  my  fancy  tickle. 

Princess. — Jealous  ! 

Jill. — He  proposed  to  me. 

True. — That  was  in  fun. 

Jill. — You’ll  find  it  precious  serious  afore  I’ve  done; 

I’ll  have  the  law. 

Jack. — That’s  right,  prove  yourself  a fearer, 

Nail  your  colours  to  the  jury-mast  ; wake  up  Sarah  ! 

Jill% — I’ll  sue  you,  since  you  my  word  impeaches, 

A breach  of  promise  yes,  and  as  a pair  of trowsers.  (Exit. 

Jack. — Sarah  has  woke  tip. 

Enter  Twentywords. 

Twenty. — Telegram. 

Jack. — Not  to-day. 

A tip  from  the  course  to  back  a stiff  ’un  ; Eh  F • 

Twenty.  — From  Robbin-a-bobbin,  wants  a sheep  for  dinner. 

Jack. — Oh  ! I’d  quite  forgotten  the  sheep — then— win  her. 

Princess. — Solicitations  cease. 

True. — I sue  for  pardon 

Say  my  delinquiencies,  you’ll  not  be  hard  on  ; 

By  enemies  surrounded,  you’re  here  alone  ; 

Give  me  but  hopes,  I’ll  win  you  back  your  throne. 

Jack. — What  about  me,  you’ve  heard  ? of  Willy —Nelly ; 

What  folks  must — bah ! ba  ! black  sheep — I’m  so  silly  ; 

Rapture  and  ecstacy,  combined  with  bliss, 

As  I’ve  before  observed — you’ll  suffer  for  this. 

S AYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Gout. 

In  Bottles,  7^d.,  Is.  l£d  , and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists. 


17 


Quartet, 

True. — Mournfully,  the  hopes  I cherished ; 

I surrender. 

Princess. — No  had  plan ; 

For  though  I regret  they’ve  perished, 

I’ve  no  love  for  any  man. 

True. — Happiness  now  dissipated, 

Off  I shall  go  to  Figi ; 

And  when  I have  emigrated, 

P’raps  you’ll  think  sometimes  of  me. 

Princess — There  I’m  told  instead  of  wheaten 
Loaves,  on  Emigrants  they’re  fed, 

But  should  you  he  killed  and  eaten ; 

Sympathetic  tears  I’ll  shed. 

True. — If  cannibals  tuck  you  in  Sir, 

You’ll  not  agree  with  them  I’m  sure. 

Jack — Georgy,  porgy,  pudding,  pie, 

Kissed  the  girls  and  made  them  cry  ; 

Georgy  porgy,  so  they  say 
Kissed  the  girls,  then  he  ran  away. 

Omnes— Georgy,  porgy,  &c. 

(exeunt.) 

SCENE  6. 

THE  WATERFALL. 

Bopeep  and  Sheep  discovered. 

Enter  Jack  and  Heads  of  People. 

Jack — Have  I gone  wrong  wcarsliip  ? I think  I ought, 

This  is  a case  of  Wearship  Street,  if  caught ; 

And  this  is  where  Shep - as -t  tires  her  small  flock, 

Worse  Sheep  I’ve  seen  than  this  young  party’s  stock. 

They’ll  suffer  for  this,  that  confounded  glutton 
Hr  s saddled  me  with  the  charge  of  his  mutton  ; 

I’m  cold, — the  Wether  p’raps,  or  thought  of  prison, 

I’d  like  to  Ram  a weather  down  his  wizen. 

My  shaking  legs  advance  one  step  refuse  to, 

’Cause  stealing*  Ewes  is  what  they’re  quite  unused  to, 

Shall  I relent  and  lose  that  royal  lass  P 
Pooh ! wake  up  Jack  and  don’t  he  a Jackass, 

Bring  ’em  along,  don’t  fancy  this  is  flight, 

I am  going  to  see  that  all  is  right.  (exit.) 

People  carry  off  Sheep . 
Chorus. — “ Little  Bopeep,  &c.” 

Enter  Fairy  Queen . 

Fairy  Queen — Faries,  to  Prince  Truelove  I must  now  hasten, 

And  blow  him  up,  I should  say,  him  I’ll  chasten ; 

The  reason  I am  sure  you’d  never  guess, 

He’s  not  aware  a woman’s  wo  means  yes. 

From  the  Princess,  the  Prince  has  ran  away, 

They  tell  on  Princes  in  the  present  day ; 

Of  course  I don’t  know,  being  hut  a Fairy, 

Don’t  run  away  from  girls, — quite  the  contrary. 

Strike  up  a dance,  as  all  who  are  here  can  dance, 

And  after  that  you’ll  on  me  dance  attendance. 

SAYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Neuralgia. 

In  Bottles,  7jd.,  Is.  l£d.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  he  obtained  of  all  Chemists. 


18 


BALLET. 

Bopeep  and  Applecheek  rush  on. 

Apple. — We’ll  get  ’em  back  dear,  dont’  look  so  forlorn, 

I’ll  bring  ’em  quickly,  let  me  blow  your  horn  (blows~horn)  ; 

Run  Peepy,  run,  they  can  see  me, 

Here’s  Sneider  first,  bless  his  dear  old  jemmy. 

Business  with  Sheep-Dog  and  Jack. 

Jack — Where’s  the  Daily  Telegraph  ? brute  unhand  me, 

Another  man  and  dog  fight,  not  at  Hanley. 

' Jack  fights  dog.  End  of  Scene. 

SCENE  7. 

Enter  Princess. 

Princess — Why  did  Truelove  go,  forward,  foolish  boy, 

I scarce  knew  what  I said,  yet  he  must  fly  ; 

I thought  he  curt  seem’d,  then  I curler  grew, 

And  so  he  curt  me,  now  what  shall  I do  ? 

The  tyrant  Robin  vows : who  robs  Bopeep, 

The  thief  for  his  reward,  my  hand  shall  reap  ; 

Sickly  thought,  if  T a hand  refuse,  ’tis  said 
As  an  alternative,  I lose  my  head, 

It’s  going  round,  what’s  that,  dread  terrors  creep  ? 

My  fate  is  sealed,  they  come,  the  sheep,  the  sheep.  (exit.) 

Enter  Woolsack , Applecheek , Bopeep , and  Sheep. 

Apple. — Don’t  cry,  Peepy,  they’ll  repent  this  act, — poz. 

How  dare  they  drag  you  here  ? say  who  it  was. 

Wool. — That  clever  Jack,  he  failed  to  steal  the  sheep 
And  so  kidnapped  the  shepherdess,  Bopeep. 

Apple.-  -I  should  like  (squaring),  but  I wont  out  of  charity, 

Take  a mean  advantage  of  desparity. 

I’ll  give  yon  what  you  merit, — the  cold  shoulder. 

Wool. — This  tone  is  bold. 

Apple. — You’ll  find  this  stone’s  Boulder. 

Bopeep — Come  away. 

Wool. — Your  name  is  Applecheek. 

Bopeep — Of  course. 

And  you  are  what  you  eat  with  Apple  sauce. 

Wool. — You  whipper  snapper,  I’ll  crush  you  'neathmy  heel. 

Apple. — ’Neath  your  heel  you’ll  find  me  orange  peal, 

There  dont  be  frighten’d  Peepy,  dry  your  eye, 

She’s  tired  and  jaded,  come  to  her  boy  (bye). 

Wool. — Come  to  my  chambers. 

Apple. — He  wants  to  bone  us, 

Very  like  a whale,  Sir, — not  for  Jonas. 

Wool. — I’ll  take  her  in, — I’ve  a snug  room  got, 

The  cosiest  little  place,  the  tinest  cot. 

Apple. — While  you  kill  her  sheep,  why  they  are  not  all  here  strange. 
Wool,  (aside) — Jack’s  preparing  the  others  for  the  cooking  range  ; 

I did  but  jest  when  I talk’d  of  killing. 

Let  her  come  with  me,  you  see  she’s  willing.  ( Bears  Bopeep  off.) 

Apple. — I’m  left  alone,  I should  annoy’d  be,  only, 

We  Englishmen  dont  mind  much  being  lonly  ; 

Left  to  ourselves,  we  very  seldom  blunder, 


S AYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Sprains. 

In  Bottles,  7|d.,  Is.  l£d.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists.. 


19 


But  do  such  deeds,  as  strike  the  world  with  wonder. 

Our  Livingstone,  only  by  death  o’erthrown, 

Show’d  what  a Britain  could  afford,  alone  ; 

Our  gallant  Nares  and  his  companions  brave 
Left  by  themselves  to  plough  the  Artie  wave, 

Are  sure  what  so’ ere  their  luck, 

To  give  a good  account  of  British  pluck  ; 

Hoping  they’ll  win  this  last  new  game  of  pole’ah, 

And  being  quite  alone  I’ll  do  a solo 
Song. 

Although  only  a rustic, 

Yet  of  London  I’m  so  fond, 

It’s  town  and  country  both  in  one, 

Fron  Sloane  Street  to  Ball’ s Pond. 

For  if  I were  a hunting  man  ; 

To  Foxhall  I could  run, 

If  Volunteer  could  practice  at 
The  Buts  of  Newington. 

I delight  in  Spitalfields, 

Where  the  air’s  so  pure  and  sweet, 

And  I am  fond  of  Aldgate,  too,  of  pump  renown ; 

And  I love  the  fragrant  smell 
Of  the  Green  of  Clerkenwell, 

And  the  dear  romantic  grade  of  Horsley  Down. 

(dances  off.) 

Enter  Coiver-de- Custard. 

Sir  Cower. — I saw  a little  giant  three  feet  high, 

I wonder  if  he’s  harmless,  I’m  so  shy  ; 

Why  I am  a prisoner  kept,  find  bail  I can, 

Give  I O U,  my  heigho  ! usual  plan. 

Enter  Goodheart  and  Twentywords. 

Who’s  that  ? 

Good. — Your  master  seek — 

Twenty. — That  I would  do, 

But  now  I’m  off  duty. 

Sir  Cower. — 

Good. — You  are  courageous,  bold. 

Sir  Cower. — No  thank’ee, 

I’m  mildest  of  young  men,  the  weakest  swankey ; 

Observe  my  mien  sedate,  my  moral  cast, 

I wear  no  watch  because  it  might  go  fast. 

Dont  bet,  if  I’d  a good  thing  would’ nt  back  it, 

At  billiards,  bowles,  ne’er  go  the  racquet ; 

Drink  naught,  but  Schepp’s  entire  tee-total  cheer, 

Advise  cremation  to  avoid  the  bier. 

Good. — Serve  me,  and  I’ll  free  you  from  tyrant  thrall, 

Bid  your  master  quickly  obey  my  call ; 

Tell  him,  I thought  him  made  of  firmer  stuff, 

Than  from  love’s  contest  fly,  at  first  rebuff. 

Though  perhaps  ’tis  well  that  he  at  least  should  learn 
How  weak  it  is  young  Cupid’s  power  to  spurn  ; 

Still  his  cause  to  serve,  I’ll  lend  my  aid, 

Bid  him  the  heart  of  this  most  stubborn  maid 


SAYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Bruises. 

In  Bottles,  7£d.,  Is  l-£d.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists. 


20 


Again  Essay. 

Sir  Cower . — He  has,  and  finds  denial. 

Good.— In  legal  phrase  then  let  him  move  new  trial. 

Listen  to  me,  a thousand  glittering  Knights 
Of  well-proved  valour  in  unnumbr’d  fights  ; 

Shall  round  his  banner  crowd,  then  once  displayed 
Bravery,  will  soon  win  the  coyest  maid. 

Let  him  the  crown  obtain  for  diamond  eyes, 

And  she  shall  no  warrior’s  love  despise  ; 

Go,  arm  in  freedom’s  cause,  me  bid  him  meet, 

Where  shall  I say, — Hertzegovina  Street.  (exit.) 

Sir  Cower — Fairies  have  us  under  their  protection, 

I feel  more  plucky  at  that  reflection.  (A  Noise.) 

Twenty . — Uproar  in  Kobbin-a-bobbin’s  kitchen, 

The  cooks  revolting  into  Jack  are  pitching, 

Shout  interloper,  resent  his  foolery. 

Broken  heads  are  threatened  in  the  scullery.  (Exeunt.) 

Enter  CooJcs  and  Jack  ; Cooks  with  joints.  General  Melee . Cooks  Exit ° 
Sir  Cower  and  Twentywords  return. 

Jack — Because  I am  so  silly.  ’Twas  a lively  cricket ; 

Fine  fielding  that  for  single  wicket. 

Say  did  I shine  that  inning  P 
Sir  Cower — You  did  that. 

Jack — Observe ! I gracefully  carry  out  the  bat.  (Exit.) 

Sir  Cower — Artful  rogue. 

Twenty. — ’Tis  time  that  you  were  gone, 

But  first  a song. 

Sir  Cower — Oh,  no  ! 

Twenty. — Yes,  just  one. 

Sir  Cower — Don’t  be  peppery,  I’ve  courage  muster’d, 

I’m  now  the  brave  Sir  Cower  de  Custard. 

Duet. 

Sir  Cower — A valiant  knight  you’ll  find  in  me, 

Now  fairies  lend  to  us  their  aid, 

I’ll  be  a Thames  incendiary, 

Of  nothing  on  the  earth  afraid. 

Twenty. — This  statement  I consider  a 
Tarraddiddle  didder, 

Tarraddiddle  day. 

Sir\Cower — And  those  who  doubt  my  pluck  will  make 
A very  terrible  mistake, 

Will  make  a terrible  mistake. 

Twenty . — Terrible . 

Sir  Cower — Terrible. 

Both — In  the  battle’s  terrible  rivalry, 

Up  to  all  kinds  of  mischief  and  develry, 

Y ou  will  find  that  mirror  of  chivalry, 

Cower  de  Custard,  ha  ! ha  ! ! ha  ! ! ! 

Dance  off. 


SAYEK’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Lumbago. 

In  Bottles,  7|d.,  Is.  ljd.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists. 


21 


SCENE  8. 

THE  HALL  OF  PELICANS. 

Grand  Evolutions. 

Good. — Bopeep’s  schoolmates  by  me  equipped  are  these, 

Whose  numbers  will  attacking  force  increase. 

True . — Fair  Princess,  in  your  cause  my  sword  shall  speak, 

And  on  usurping  tyrant  vengeance  wreak. 

Bobin-a-bobbin’s  doomed,  we’ll  soon  unseat  him, 

And  free  each  captive. 

Pi'incess — First  with  fair  words  greet  him. 

Good. — The  populace  roused  are  now  debating 

Where  best  their  efforts  may  with  yours  be  mating,. 

A red  burst  yonder  of  bright  flame  will  tell 
That  venturous  stormers  come,  to  numbers  swell. 

Tt  • incess — Go  summon  him  before  an  outraged  nation, 

To  sue  for  pardon  and  yield  abdication. 

Enter  Applecheek. 

Apple. — We  little  folks  will  courage  shew  good  knights, 

With  you  to  champion  deaj*  freedom’s  rights. 

True. — Champion  of  the  light  weights. 

Sir  Cower — Impudence  grows 

So  fast  in  these  young  boys,  that  no  one  knows 
Where  it  will  end. 

Princess — Don’t  quarrel  pick, 

Its  modern  smartness. 

Apple. — There’s  a French  word — chic. 

Jill  Enters. 

Jill — Here  he  comes,  and  hasn’t  he  just  heard  my  mind, 

Jack’s  with  him,  birds  of  a feather  both  you’ll  find. 

Enter  Jack  and  Robbin-a-bobbin. 

Concerted  Piece. 

T7  'lie. — Your  army  is  as  helpless. 

Rank. — As  helpless  as  can  be. 

Good . — And  all  is  up  with  you. 

Princess — While  you  are  up  a tree. 

When  you  descend  your  noddle 

True. — We’ll  chop  off  and  then  go. 

All — Down  where  the  buttercups  and  daisies  grow. 

Chorus  (all  Dancing). 

Jack — I kissed  my  Dolly  once  and  my  Dolly  kissed  me. 

Jtll—“  Oh ! 

True. — I kissed  my  Dolly  twice,  and  my  Dolly 

Princess — Kissed  you  ? no  ! 

Jack — I kissed  my  Dolly  thrice. 

True. — And  so  did  I. 

Princess — How  low. 

All — Down  where  the  buttercups  and  daisies  grow. 

Jack — You’ll  all  suffer  for  this 
To  morrow. 

Till — Oh  ! no  doubt, 

Go  and  your  Dolly  kiss,  but  mind  what  you’re  about. 

SAYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Toothache: 

In  Bottles,  7|d.,  Is.  l^d.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists 


22 


Robin. — I shall  my  Dolly  nix 
And  fake  away  also. 

Jill — Down  where  the  buttercups  and  daisies  grow 
General  Chorus. 

Robin. — Refreshing  this. 

Jack — Princess,  you  now  are  mine. 

j Princess — Come  and  and  take  me  (Truelove  gets  before  her). 

Enter  Clamour. 

Clam. — The  fates  ’gainst  you  combine, 

But  since  they’re  sorrow  laden,  no  grief  I know. 

True. — Advance,  and  by  your  prowess,  quickly  show 
Designing  traitors  they  well  may  pause. 

When  hands  and  hearts  unite  in  freedom’s  cause. 

GRAND  MAN  CETJ  VRES. 

Characters — Down  with  the  traitors. 

Jack — I’ll  suffer  for  this,  I’ll  join  the  other  side  ; 

But  perhaps  they  wouldn’t  have  me  if  I tried. 

Still  Robin  has  played  out  his  little  game, 

They’ll  prison  him  and  serve  me  too  the  same. 

Horrible  thought ! I’d  sooner  split  jny  wizen 
Then  he  locked  up  in  that  vile  model  prison. 

Once  there,  you’ll  wish  you  were  the  turf  beneath, 

You  can’t  escape  there  by  the  skin  of  your  teeth. 

The  goalors  render  that  quite  hopeless,  they 
Invariably  take  your  teeth  away. 

Should  you  this  statement  be  disposed  to  doubt, 

Ask  the  Alderman,  and  he  will  bear  me  out. 

Crack.,  Fill.,  and  Ox. — Down  with  the  tyrant. 

Jack — Don’t  hurry,  fair  play ; 

Don’t  cry  down,  till  what’s  up  you  say. 

Princess — Who  keeps  me  captive,  you  bad  old  sinner  ? 

Wool. — Who  swells  the  pension  list  for  thieves  to  care  ? 

Crack. — Who  neglects  his  duty  for  sumptuous  fare  ? 

True. — His  heart  is  hollow  as  his  parent  bell. 

Jill  and  Jack — And,  who,  ah  who  ! put  poor  pussy  in  the  well. 

True. — Look,  the  signal,  ah  ! down  with  Bell  Ben, 

Who  eats  more  meat  than  ten  score  men.  (Melee.) 

TABLEAU,  END  OF  SCENE. 

SCENE  9. 

THE  PALACE  GARDENS. 

Enter  Prince  Truelove. 

True. — The  shout  of  conquest  and  the  triumphant  roar 
Around  proclaim  that  tyrant’s  reign  is  o’er. 

Now  might  I boldly  claim  the  victor’s  prize, 

But  fear  again  the  scorn  of  Diamond* eye’s ; 

My  stubborn  pride  has  ’gainst  my  heart  rebelled, 

And  will  not  sue  again  to  be  repelled. 

Bah  ! I’m  a fool ! such  weakness  I’ll  scorn, 

Again  be  pink  of  fashion,  mould  of  form ; 

In  Ulster  wrapped,  from  chin  to  hidden  feet, 

Smoke  cigars  and  ogle  every  girl  I meet. 

SAYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Loss  of  Strength 
In  Bottles,  7£d.,  Is.  l^d.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists, 


23 


Song. — “ How  do  ye  do  ? ” 

Well  drest,  I like  walking  along  the  street  : 

Ah,  how  do  ye  do  ? how  do  ye  do  ? 

With  wave  of  my  hand,  so,  I every  one  greet ; 

Ha,  how  do  ye  do  ? how  do  ye  do  ? 

That  sporting  gent,  passers-by  whisper, 

A gentleman  rider  is  he  ; 

Or,  if  I hut  draw  back  my  elbow, 

They  champion  at  billiards  think  me. 

Sometimes,  I unlucky  creditors  meet : 

Ah,  how  do  ye  do  ? how  do  ye  do  ? 

He  stares  as  I pass  him,  abashed  at  my  sweet 
How  do  ye  do  ? how  do  ye  do  P 

Enter  Woolsack , Crackling , Sir  Cower  de  Custard , Pill  alio,  and  Oxtail, 

Wool. — This  way  he  fled.  Behold  our  noble  chief  ! 

Crack.— Hiding,  at  such  a time,  is  past  belief  ! 

Sir  Cower— Concealed,  when  every  danger’s  past  and  gone  ! 

I could  understand  it  i£  the  fight  were  on. 

Pill. — The  tyrant  has  our  strictest  search  evaded  : 

High  and  low  we’ve  sought. 

Sir  Cower — I,  too,  have  aided  : 

Not  that  I cared  to  find  him  ; but,  do  ye  see, 

I feared,  if  left  alone,  he  might  find  me. 

True — Where’s  the  Princess  ? 

Wool. — We’ve  met,  and  now  declare 

Her  sovereign  sway  ; but  she  her  throne  must  share, 

In  short,  must  marry. 

Pill. — What  bliss  if  she’d  wed  me  ! 

Crack. — If  she  were  mine — oh , double  ecstatic  ! 

True.*— What  suitors  ! I can’t  imagine  why  men 
In  such  low  circles  should  so  yearn  for  Hymen. 

Sir  Cower — She’d  joyfully  accept  you,  if  you’d  declare 
Your  ardent  passion. 

True. — Really,  I don’t  care  ; 

I’ll  make  the  effort. 

Sir  Cower — Don’ k be  afraid  to  try. 

Prince — Never ! 

Sir  Cower — Then  ask  her  to  have  me. 

True. — Not  I ! 

I’ve  been  rash  : sad  warning  take  from  me  ! 

Sir  Cower — To  save  your  bacon,  I’d  a rasher  be. 

True. — Bother  the  sex,  who  please  men  but  to  fool  ’em  : 

They’ve  reign’d  too  long;  it’s  time  for  us  to  rule  ’em. 

Duet. — “ Air  Les  Retemeurs.” 

True. — To  woman’s  rights  I have  a great  objection, 

If  the  fair  sex  wants  nothing  that’s  unfair ; 

But  bear  in  mind  we  must,  for  our  protection, 

Insist  that  woman  do  man’s  duties  share. 

S AYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Unbroken  Chi3> 

BLAINS. 

In  Bottles,  7^d.,  Is,  l^d.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists* 


24 


Chorus. 

Smoke  and  drink,  bet  and  fight, 

In  pool  and  billiards  take  delight, 

Get  occasionally  tight, 

And  be  locked  up  till  morning. 

Lots  of  bills  your  name  put  to, 

And  never  pay  them  when  they ’re' due, 

And  be  bored  and  dunned  till  you 
Wish  you’d  ne’er  been  born. 

Sir  Cower — The  army  and  navy  they  must  serve  in  ; 

In  the  police,  too,  and  look  after  prigs ; 

If  judges  made,  they  mus’n’t  think  of  swerving 
From  duty,  though  they  wear  those,  hideous  wigs. 
Smoke  and  drink,  &e. 

Enter  Jill . 

Jill — Here’s  a to  do  ! The  Princess  has  absconded, 

Because  the  court  that  she  should  wed  demanded  ! 

Wouldn’t  I marry4 without  such  compulsion  ! 

I'd  revel  in  it : there’ d be  no  revulsion 

In  my  case  to  the  nuptials.  Says  she,  “ I shan’t 

Marry  till  I can  love,  and  love  I can’t ! ” 

True. — Let’s  seek  her  friends  ! Be  quick  ! there’s  much  to  fear 
We  foes  may  meet. 

Sir  Cower — Then  I’ll  bring  up  the  rear. 

True. — Though  hearts  she  chills,  resentment  we’ll  not  cherish  : 

Come,  follow,  friends  ! we’ll  succour  her  or  perish  ! (Exeunt.) 
Jill — Oh ! foolish  woman,  Diamond-eyes,  come  back ! 

Can  she  have  bolted  with  that  rascal,  Jack  ? 

He  promised  to  make  me  his  missus  lawful : 

To  lose  the  chance  of  being  married — awful ! 

If  Jack’s  deserted  me,  he’s  no  right  to : 

There’s  woman’s  last  resource  I still  can  fly  to. 

To  bold  Brigham  Young  myself  I’ll  carry  ; 

He  is  a person  always  about  to  marry. 

Return,  dear,  if  on  all  fours,  to  your  love, 

And  all  shall  be  forgotten  and  forguv  ! 

Come  back,  and  claim  this  gushing  heart  now  proffer’d ! 

No  further  reward  will  after  this  be  offer’d. 

Enter  Applecheek . 

Apple . — Dear  Jill,  where,  where  is  she  ? 

Jill — Where’s  he  P 

Apple. — Where’s  who  ? 

Jill — Where’s  my  Jack  ? 

Apple. — Where’s  Bopeep  ? 

Jill. — Dun  know ! 

Apple . — Why  did  I go  ? — why  leave  Bopeep  to  fate  ? 

J ill. — These  whys,  it  seems,  are  wise  too  late. 

Apple.— li  she  had  kept  near  me  as  I bid  her, 

They  could  not  easily  thus  have  hid  her. 

Jill.- — That’s  plain  as  nose  on  face  you  may  maintain ; 

Not  my  nose — nothing  about  me  is  plain. 

Apple. — You’ve  no  foster-sister — feel  my  loss  you  can’t. 

Jill. — Not  even  a foster-uncle,  that  I arn’t. 

SAYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Tic  Doloreaux. 
Id  Bottles,  7Jd.,  Is.  l^d.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists* 


Apple . — Spectres ! 

Jill,— Police ! 

Apple. — Inspector. 

Jill. — Where’s  that  glutton  ? 

They’re  ghosts  of  sheep — coldest  of  cold  mutton. 

The  Spectres  of  the  Sheep  appear. 

Apple i — I know  what  it  is  that  each  poor  ghost  y ails, 

They’ll  never  rest  till  you  cut  off  their  tails. 

Jill. — I bless  their  sheeps’ -heads — I hav’nt  the  pluck, 

Here,  take  the  scissors  and  you  do  cluck. 

Business  of  cutting  off  Sheeps'  tails , 
Look ! — look ! the  sheeps’s  tails  all  alive ! 

Apple. — These  I’ll  keep — as  to  find  Bopeep — I strive 
With  joy  that  sleepy-head  again  to  see, 

We  then,  like  old  King  Cole,  will  merry  he. 

Dance  and  Exeunt. 
Enter  Bolin  and  Jack  with  bundles. 

Bolin. — All  still ! 

Jack. — Let’s  go  hack — we  shall  suffer  for  this. 

Bolin. — If  found,  we’re  lost ! 

Jack. — Yes — everything’s  amiss. 

Bolin. — Flight’s  our  only  chance,  to  guard  against  surprises 
We’d  better  at  once  assume  our  planned  disguises. 

Jack. — What ! put  ’em  on  here  ? 

Bolin.—  Yes — your  garments  doff. 

Jack.— Pulling  them  on’s  nothing  to  taking  them  off, 

If  we  are  seen. 

Bolin. — Pooh ! bosh ! — stop  this  agitation ; 

Screen  yourself,  like  me,  from  observation 
This  wooing  soon,  I fear,  will  mind  derange. 

Jack. — Nay,  this  disguise  be  at  least  a change. 

Bolin. — That  folks  love  change  who  will  the  fact  gainsay, 

On  crotchets  prevalent  we’ll  have  our  say. 

Duet.  Air — “ It  seems  very  shocking  to  me.” 

Though  prophets  we  certainly  are  not,  and  don’t 
To  be  wiser  than  others  profess  ; 

We  can  see  through  a millstone  as  well,  p’raps, 

As  most,  and  give  what  is  called  a shrew’ d guess. 

When  we  see  dirty  tricks  such  as  when  a man  kicks. 

His  missus,  and  knocks  her  about ; 

Though  he  may  be  well  drest  we  call  him  a beast, 

And  I don’t  think  we’re  very  far  out. 

Chorus. 

I don’t  think  we’re  very  far  out,  my  friends, 

And  though  what  we  say  you  may  scout ; 

If  you  calmly  reflect,  then  I strongly  suspect, 

You’ll  find  we’re  not  very  far  out. 

The  brave  Balaklava  men  some  weeks  ago, 

Well  feasted  at  fair  Muswell  Hill, 

And  a short  time  before  the  Turks,  whom  their  gore 
They  spilt  for,  dishonored  their  bill. 


SAYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Rheumatism. 
In  Bottles,  7£d.,  Is.  l^d.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists 


26 


If  the  bold  Muscovite  against  Turkey  should  fight, 

And  the  Turks  for  help  to  us  should  shout, 

Our  reply  would  he  “ can’t — fight  your  own  battles  ” shout, 
And  I don’t  think  I’m  very  far  out. 

Enter  Applecheek. 

Apple- -I’ve  got  them  now,  the  joke  my  fancies  tickle, 

They  little  think  the  rod  for  them  in  pickle.  Steal  dresses* 
Robin  {misses  dress). 

Robin—  What  lark  is  this,  sir  ? What’s  your  little  game  P 
Jack. — I was  just  about,  sir,  to  remark  the  same. 

Robin. — What,  sir  ? 

Jack. — Don’t  think  at  me,  sir,  to  raise  a grin ; 

I can’t  myself,  sir,  see  where  the  laughjcomes  in. 

Robin. — I will  come  and  pull  your  nose ! 

That  is,  I will,  if  you  bring  hack  my  clothes. 

Jack. — Bring  what  ? 

Robin. — My  clothes. 

Jack. — Your  clothes? 

Robin. — Do  you  decline  ? 

Jack. — How  can  I bring  hack  yours,  when  you’ve  got  mine  ? 

Robin. — If  I knew  who  tricked  us. 

Jack. — What  then  my  hearty  ? 

Robin. — They’d  get  a dressing. 

Jack. — I wish  I was  the  party. 

Enter  Applecheek , Woolsack,  Crackling,  Oxtail,  Tiventywords,  and 
Sir  Cower. 

Air. — “ They  all  have  a mate  hut  me.” 

Chorus. 

Oh,  the  badger  and  the  hear 
Are  dressed  better  than  this  pair ; 

So  likewise  is  the  big  monk-ee  ; 

While  the  donkeys  and  the  rabbits 
Are  more  decent  in  their  habits, 

You  don’t  in  such  a state  them  see. 

Jack. — This  if  an  awkward  expose, 

I’ll  be  sorry  for  this  I guess. 

Twenty, — I’ll  telegraph  this  very  strange  event 
Directly  to  the  press. 

Sir  Cower. — This  shivering  and  this  shaking  is 

Most  painful  to  behold.  (Jack  and  Robin  Sneeze.) 

Jack  and  Rob. — Oh  ! put  us  in  our  beds,  and  tie  up  both  Our  heads, 

For  we  have  each  caught  a terrible  cold. 


Chorus. 

Oh ! the  badger,  &c. 


All  Dance  off. 


SCENE  10 


THE  HOWLING  WILDERNESS. 


Enter  Princess. 

Here  in  these  forest  wilds  my  life  I’ll  pass, 
From  wicked  men  and  all  their  naughty  class ; 
From  pomp  and  power  I’ll  sooner  be  divorced, 


SAYEE’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Gout. 

In  Bottles,  7Jd.,  Is.  Ijd  , and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists- 


27 


Song. 

Enter  Woolsack  and  Crackling. 

Wool. — She’s  here  ! 

Crack. — Princess,  behold  ns  in  the  dust  ; 

Princess. — That’s  where  you  should  he  ! 

Wool. — Marry  one  you  must ! 

Princess. — Never ! 

Enter  Goodheart. 

’Tis  so,  if  you’d  the  land  release 
From  clamour,  rule,  and  re-establish  peace. 

Princess. — All  men  I hate  ! 

Wool. — Oh,  Princess ! 

Crack. — Don’t  still  frown. 

Princess. — Where’s  the  Prince?  why  don’t  he  claim  and  take  my 
crowh  ? 

Good. — Alas  ! rash  youth  ! madden’d  by  your  rejection, 

Than  into  marriage  by  their  will  be  forced. 

Wed  at  the  words  of  fools,  whose  pates  are  haddled, 

Why  should  I be  with  such  a bridal  saddled  ? 

I want  to  be  as  all  heriones  should — 

To  all  entreaties,  stone — yes,  to  be  woo’d 
For  years  by  one,  who’d  quarrel  every  morn 
To  make  it  up  at  night,  who’d  coyness  scorn ; 

Who’d  kiss  me  though  forbidden,  and  who’d  guess 
My  sternest  no  implied  the  meekest  yes. 

Who’d  grow  impatient  with  my  trifling  till 
He’d  bear  me  off  and  wed  me  ’gainst  my  will : 

Then  joy  confessing,  we’d  be  two  such  spoony  ’uns, 

Oh ! blissful  picture,  sweetest  of  heart  unions. 

Has  braved  our  power — accused  us  of  deception — 

For  which  his  fate  is  sealed. 

Princess — No,  Fairy,  no  ! 

Spare  ! oh,  spare  him  ! 

Good. — You  plead  ! 

Princess — I love  him  so. 

Enter  Twenlywords  and  Prince  Truelove . 

Twenty. — He’s  here. 

Princess — My  love  ! 

True. — Oh,  bliss  ! 

Princess — It  was  too  hard  to  test  my  heart  like  this ! 

I’ll  never  speak  to  you  more. 

Enter  Sir  Cower  and  Jack. 

Sir  Cower — They  ran  away. 

I’ve  caught  one. 

Jack— State  the  charge,  and  sayjvhat  friend  the  fine  will  pay. 

I’m  so  silly ! 

Enter  Jill. 

Jill — I’ll  be  bail. 

Jack — No  doubt  of  it. 

If  in  a well  I fall,  she  bails  me  out  of  it. 

Enter  Apple  cheek  and  Bopeep  with  Robin. 

Apple. — Here’s  the  glutton. 

Robin. — I’ll  never  be  one  more ! 

Apple. — He  sheep  seized. 

S AYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Neuralgia. 

In  Bottles,  7|d.,  Is.  lid.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemist®. 


28 


Mobin. — Which,  if  I would,  I can’t  restore. 

Send  me  to  the  Belfry,  where  happily  I dwelled  : 

I’m  tired  of  rebel,  let  me  be  reb -belled. 

Good. — The  last  disposed  of,  to  joint  satisfaction — 

Settled  out  of  court,  ’stead  of  civil  action — 

Your  peace  to  crown,  I bad  and  good  invite 

Princess — One  moment,  Fairy  ! out  of  order,  quite  ! 

Ere  we  depart,  we’ve  yet  one  task  to  do, 

Which  is,  kind  public,  to  appeal  to  you. 

Don’t  be  severe,  but  all  the  fears  remove— 

Jill — Of  Jack, 

Jack — And  Jill, 

Apple. — Bopeep, 

Princess — And  Prince  Truelove0 

Finale. — Am  “ Auguste.” 

Prince — If  you  to  us  your  hands  will  now  give, 

A handsome  compliment  ’twill  be : 

In  your  esteem,  if  we  can  but  live, 

We  shall  ne’er  court  other  fee. 

Princess — To  make  us  happy  you’ve  the  power, 

The  will  also,  I know  you’ll  say. 

Twenty. — If  they’ve  the  will,  my  royal  flower, 

I’m  sure  that  they  know  the  way. 

Prince , Princess , and  Twenty  words. 

’Tis  thus,  thus,  thus,  and  thus,  thus, 

Thus,  thus,  thus,  and  thus,  thus ; 

No  language  more  expressive,  or 
Agreeable  is  to  us. 

Hip,  hip,  hurrah. 

‘Chorus. 

Hip,  hip,  hip,  hurray. 

Finished  is  our  little  play, 

Hip,  hip,  hip,  hurray. 

Prince — I’m  to  marry  this  sweet  Princess. 

Princess — And  I’m  to  marry  this  dear  Prince. 

Twenty — This  arrangement  me  convince, 

That  from  marriage  I’d  not  wince. 

All — Hip,  hip,  hip,  hurray,  &c. 

Jill — If  my  face  you  tickle, 

You  may  laugh. 

Jack. — Though  I’m  made  rediculous, 

And  in  a pickle 
Find  myself,  yet  still 
I can  stand  chaff. 

Sir  Cower.- — So  can  I,  though  timid  as  a calf. 

Chorus. 

Hip,  hip,  hip,  hurray,  &c. 

GRAND  TRANSFORMATION* 

HARLEQUINADE  BY  THE  ALEXANDER  FAMILY. 
CHEMIST’S,  INSURANCE  OFFICE,  AND  POLICE  STATION. 
A VIEW  OF  SOUTHEND. 


S AYER’S  Miraculous  Embrocation  for  Sprains. 

In  Bottles,  7|d.,  Is.  l|d.,  and  2s.  9d.  To  be  obtained  of  all  Chemists. 


SAYEB’S 

(REGISTERED) 

Miraculous  Embrocation, 

An'effectual  remedy  for  Rheumatism,  Gout,  Sprains,!; Bruises,  Spinal 
Affections,  Lumbago,  Pains  in  the  Kidneys,  Groin,  ;and  Joints,  Swellings, 
Tic-dolereux,  Neuralgia,  Internal  Injuries  produced  by  falls,  straining,  or 
over  exertion,  Loss  of  Strength,  Weakness,  Stiffness,  and  Cramp  of  the 
Limbs  and  Joints,  Paralysis,  Asthma,  Difficulty  of  Breathing,  Cold  on  the 
Chest,  Unbroken  Chilblains,  &c.,  &c.  * 

In  Bottles,  7£d.,  Is.  l£d.,  and  2s.  9d.  each. 


FOX’S  CELEBRATED 

POOR  MAN’S 

COUGH  REMEDY 

(registered),  a sure  cure  for 

Coughs,  Colds,  Asthmatic  & Bronchial  Affections, 
Debility  of  the  Lungs,  Difficulty  of  Breathing,  In- 
fluenza, Hoarseness,  & Consumption. 

This  invaluable  remedy  is  earnestly  recommended  to  families  and  individuals 
suffering  from  either  of  the  above  diseases.  So  decided  is  the  success  which 
has  attended  its  use  and  so  highly  and  generally  has  it  been  approved  of  by 
those  who  have  witnessed  the  relief  afforded  by  it,  that  it  is  now  offered  to 
the  public  as  the  most  efficacious  means  of  allaying  and  removing  those 
complaints. 

The  Remedy  affords  instant  relief  in  every  kind  of  Cough,  Cold,  Hoarse- 
ness, Difficulty  of  Breathing,  and  Huskiness  in  the  Throat.  It  operates  by 
gently  freeing  the  Lungs  from  congealed  phlegm,  relieves  the  chest  by  free 
expectoration,  without  straining,  allays  the  tickling  which  provokes  frequent 
coughing,  and  by  its  healthy  stimulus,  produces  a rapid  and  beneficial 
change. 

In  Bottles  7sd.,  Is.  Hd.,  2s.  9d.,  and  4s.  6d.  each. 


PREPARED  only  by 

W.  A.  FOX,  Chemist, 

27,  Leyton  Road,  Stratford  New  Town , E, 


WHOLESALE  OF 

BARCLAY  & SONS,  Farringdon  Street  EDWARDS,  Old  Change ; 
MILLARD  & SONS,  44,  Barbicaii,  E.C. ; NEWBERY  & SON,  Newgate 
Street;  SUTTON,  Bow  Churchyard ; SANGER  & SON,  Oxford  Street; 
THOMPSON,  New  North  Road, 

Artfi  Sold  L>y  all  Cliemists. 


Sent  by  theProprietors  upon  receipt  of  Stamps. 


From  Rev.  J.  STONEHOUSE.  St.  Saviour’s  Vicarage,  Nottingham. 


Dear  Sir,— I can  strongly  recommend  your  Pectorine  as  an  invaluable  Cough  Iteuie’dv  *t  have 

fiven  it  a fair  trial  in  my  own  family,  and  have  also  supplied  it  to  persons  suffering  from  Cou^h  in  mv 
'arish,  and  in  every  instance  it  has  given  immediate  relief.  In  some  cases,  after  passing  sleeDless 
nights,  one  or  two  doses  of  the  Pectorine  have  had  such  a good  effect  that  persons  have  eot  a £ood 
night’s  rest,  and  the  Cough  has  speedily  disappeared.  6 ® 

St.  Saviour’s  Vicarage,  Nottingham  I am,  Dear  Sir.  yours  truly,  J STONEHOUSE 


PECTORINE  cures  the  worst  forms  of  COUGHS  and  COLDS. 

PECTORINE  cures  HOARSENESS. 

PECTORINE  gives  immediate  relief  in  BRONCHITIS. 

PECTORINE  is  the  best  medicine  for  ASTHMA. 

PECTORINE  cures  WHOOPING  COUGH. 

PECTORINE  Will  cure  a TROUBLESOME  TICKLING  COUGH. 

PECTORINE  is  invaluable  in  the  EARLY  STAGES  OF  CONSUMPTION. 
PECTORINE  relieves  all  AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  CHEST,  LUNGS,  AND  THROAT. 


Prepared  only  by  SMITH  & CLARKE,  Manufacturing  Chemists,  Park-st.,  Lincoln,. 

***  Vice  Chancellor  Sir  C.  Hall  granted  a perpetual  injunction,  with  costs,  against 
F.  Mason,  Chemist,  Rotherham,  for  using  the  word  “ Pectorine.” 


JACQUES  BAUM  & CO.’S  NOVELTIES 

SPARKBROOK,  BIRMINGHAM. 

QNE  SHILLING.  — “ Baum’s  Geneva  Pocket  Timepiece  ” 

v (Patent).  Denotes  correct  time.  Size  of  a Half-crown.  In  Electro-compo  Metal.. 
Perfect  balanced  action.  Steel  works,  glass  covered.  Reliable  in  any  climate.  Freej 
14  Stamps. 

S.  W.,  7,  Collingwood  Terrace,  Egham  ; “ Your  Shilling  Timepiece  is  a perfect  little  gem. 
There  is  no  deception.” 

H.  P.  0.,  the  Vicarage,  Bishop’s  Teignton;  “The  ‘Geneva  Pocket  Timepiece’  is  a valu- 
able little  instrument ; I shall  have  much  pleasure  in  strongly  recommending  it.” 

QNE  SHILLING. — u Baum’s  Domestic  Printing*  Press.” — Prints 

^ Programmes,  Bills  of  Fare,  Cards,  Labels,  Laundry  Lists,  izc.  Press,  Type,  and 
Ink,  free,  14  stamps . 

H.  P.,  21,  Clarendon  Square,  London ; “ Your  Shilling  Press  is  cheap,  useful,  and 
elegant.” 

W.  A,  G.,  Millbrook,  Beds.  ; “ All  who  see  your  ‘ Shilling  Press  ’ think  it  excellent.” 

E.W.,  5,  Upper  Erne  Street,  Dublin  ; “ The  little  Press  I find  very  useful,  and  equal  to 
one  I lately  gave  10s.  for. 

•pWO  SHILLINGS. — “ Baum’s  Swiss  Eairy  Organs”  (Patented). 

Gold  Medals  awarded.  These  powerful  and  dulcet  instruments  produce  the  most 
charming  modern  melodies.  Per  parcel  post,  24,  36,  or  60  stamps. 

H.  A.  D.,  M.D.,  Dispensary,  Newport,  Mon.  ; “The  little  Organ  is  well  worth  its  cost. 
The  tone  is  marvellously  sweet. 

W.  H.  S.,  Wardmaster,  Station  Hospital,  Mullingar ; “ I am  agreeably  surprised  to 
receive  such  a perfect  mellow-toned  little  instrument.” 

D.  B.,  the  Mission  House,  Lowestoft ; “ The  little  Organ  is  a sweet  instrument,  and  well 

JACQUES  BAUM  & CO., 

KINGSTON  WORKS,  SPARKBROOK,  BIRMINGHAM 

Testimonials,  Circulars,  &c.,  post  free. 


Goodall’s  Baking  Powder  ™ TB„f T 

Id.  Packets;  6d.,  Is.,  Is.  6d.,  and  2s.  Tins.  WORLD. 


Yorkshire  Relish 

Bottles,  6d.,  Is.,  and  2s.  each 


THE  MOST 

DELICIOUS  SAUCE 

IN  THE  WORLD. 


Diploma  of  Merit 
Vienna  Exhibition. 
1873. 


GOOOALL’S 


Goodall’s  Quinine  Wine  BEST1HTONIC 

Bottles,  Is.,  Is.  l^d.,  2s.,  and  2s.  3d.  each.  yet  introduced. 


HOUSEHOLD 

SPECIALITIES, 


Tlvt  llacoiilPo  A Ail  For  infants,  chil-  THE  BEST 
HI  • Haaadll  3 r UUU  dren  $ invalids.  in  the 
In  Tins,  6d.,  Is.,  2s.,  3s.  6d.,  6s.,  15s.,  and  28s.  each.  WORLD. 


Sold  by  Grocers,  Chem- 
ists, Oilman,  and  Italian 
Warehouseman,  all  over 
the  World. 


A Treatise  by  Dr.  Arthur  Hill  Hassall,  M.l the  Inventor,  on 
the  u Alimentation  of  Infants,  Children,  and  Invalids,”  can  be  had, 
post  free , on  application  to  the  Manufacturers, 

GOODALL,  BACKHOUSE,  & Co.,  LEEDS. 


For  Health, 
Appetite, 
and  Digestion. 


PTirifying 
Plcfresliiiig  and 
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TAKE 


For  the  Head, 
Stomach, 
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PWmiFYIH®  PILLS, 

FOE  BOTH  SEXTUS, 


A most  excellent  Medicine  for  Bilious  Complaints,  Disorders  of  the  Liver,  Stomach,  and 
Bowels ; for  Indigestion,  Loss  of  Appetite,  Flatulency,  Heartburn,  Pains  and  Giddiness  of 
the  Head,  Costiveness,  &c. ; and  particularly  for  Eruptions  of  the  Skin.  In  Boxes,  7|d., 
Is.  l^d.,  and  2s.  9d.  prepared  only  by 

W.  A.  EOX,  Chemist,  27,  Leyton  Road,  Stratford,  New  Town,  E. 


Wholesale  of  Barclay  and  Sons,  Farringdon  Street ; Edwards,  Old  Change  ; Millard  and 
Sons,  44,  Barbican,  E.C. ; Newbery  and  Son,  Newgate  Street;  Sutton,  Bow  Churchyard; 
Sanger  and  Son,  Oxford  Street;  Thompson,  New  North  Road ; and  sold  by  all  Chemists. 


IS  AS  PLAIN 

ABC 

EVERYBODY 


In  the  United  Kingdom,  who  wishes  to  see  the  Past,  Present,  and  Future 
must  look  immediately,  carefully,  seriously,  and  attentively'  into 

™e  THE  MAGIC  MIRROR 

MARVEL  OF  THE  AGE.  Sent  free  to  any  address,  on  receipt  of  six 
stamps.  Address — “MAGIC  MIRROR”  Office,  44,  Commercial  Street, 
Sheffield.  30,000  Sold  in  Seven  Months.  Established  1830. 


The  Birkbeck  Building  Society’s  Annual 
Receipts  Exceed  Four  Millions. 


HOW  TO  PURCHASE  A HOUSE  FOR 
TWO  GUINEAS  PER  MONTH, 

With.  Immediate  Possession,  and  no  Pent  to  pay. — Apply  at  the 
Office  of  the  Birkbeck  Building  Society,  29  and  30,  South- 
ampton Buildings,  Chancery  Lane. 

HOW  TO  PURCHASE  A PLOT  OF  LAND 
FOR  FIVE  SHILLINGS  PER  MONTH, 

With  Immediate  Possession,  either  for  Building  or  Gardening 
purposes. — Apply  at  the  Office  of  the  Birkbeck  Freehold 
Land  Society,  29  and  30,  Southampton  Buildings,  Chancery 
Lane. 

HOW  TO  INVEST  YOUR  MONEY  WITH 
SAFETY  AT  £4  PER  CENT.  INTEREST. 

Apply  at  the  Office  of  the  Birkbeck  Bank.  All  sums 
under  £50  repayable  upon  demand.  Current  Accounts  opened 
similar  to  ordinary  Bankers.  Cheque-books  supplied.  English 
and  Foreign  Stocks  and  Shares  purchased  and  sold,  and  Advances 
made  thereon. 


Office  open  from  10  till  4 ; except  on  Saturdays,  when  it  closes 
at  2 o’clock,  On  Mondays  the  Office,  is  open  until  9 o’clock 
in  the  Evening. 


A Pamphlet  containing  full  particulars  mag  be  obtained,  post  free , on 
application  to 


NOTICE.  Om  receipt  of  a Post  Order  for  50s.,  and  exact  size,  an  18-carat  hall-marked 
(brilliant)  DIAMOND  RING  will  1h*  forwarded  from  the  old-estahliscd  Crystal  Palace 
only  Cold  Medal  Marking  Ink  Works,  75,  Southgate  Road,  London,  Prepared  by 
the"  Daughter  of  the  late  John  Bond.  Enlargement  of  bottles.  Trade  mark,  Crystal 
Palace.  Refuse  others.  Diamond  cutting  and  polisliing  for  the  trade  by  steam. 


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liStafiitgftcS  upfoarfcs  of  §3tars. 

WILSON  & WHITWORTH, 


ENGRAVERS,  LITHOGRAPHERS, 

BOOKBINDERS, 

AND 

Manufacturing  Stationers. 


PRINTING  OF  EVERY  DESCRIPTION  WITH  RAPIDITY  AND 

ECONOMY. 

ESTIMATES  GIVEN  AND  CONTRACTS  TAKEN. 

A Large  Stool  of  Copying , Minute r and  Account  Bools,  always  on . 
hand,  or  Manufactured  on  the  shortest  notice 

AMY  Al'vTICLE  MOT  IX  STOCK  PROCURE ft  IMMEDIATELY. 

Proprietors  and  Publishers  of 

THE  “ESSEX  TIMES,” 

Published  every  Wednesday  and  Saturday. 

THE  “STRATFORD  TIMES/ 

Published  every  Wednesday. 

THE  “STRATFORD  EXPRESS/ 

Published  every  Friday  Afternoon. 

These  Journals  are  Printed  on  a.  Fast  Two-Feeder  Machine,  and  have  a 
large  circulation  in  tfcic  South,  and  West  of  Essex,  throughout  which  Districts 
they  are  the  leading  Papers. 


Advertisements  inserted  on  moderate  terms,  which  with  copies  of 
Papers  may  be  had  on  application  at  either  of  the  following  Publishing 
Offices  : — 

.ft* team  Works,  Iligdi  Street,  Romlord; 
Broadway,  StratJord  ^Steam  Works, 
\V ill  10211  street) ; oiid 
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